1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of our skating rinks. 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a Diet Coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Do you know?
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on the "Start" button?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Friday, November 6, 2009
The Best Time of the Year
I haven't been feeling very inspired lately... But I do feel the need to write why I love fall so much. It is, after all, the best time of the year.
-The Smells-
The smell of decaying leaves on the ground. The golden, ruby, emerald, and every-color-in-between leaf carpet has a distinct smell that speaks of fertilizing the ground in a cycle begun by the magnificent Creator.
The smell of woodsmoke in the air. This smell promises the weary traveler warmth and comfort. It is the welcoming smell that warms the heart before warming the body.
The smell of Home. Home never smells as good as it does in the fall. Whether produced by an apple or pumpkin pie in the oven, or a simple candle burning on a livingroom coffee table, Home always smells the best in autumn.
-The Sights-
The leaves. Again, the leaves are the forerunners of fall spirit. No retail store can be entered without seeing decorations, napkins, greeting cards, or any other novelty that has multi-colored leaves on them. However, the true beauty is not in any store. It is found in the rare moments when the setting sun catches a blazing tree and dazzles our eyes, captivating every other sense.
The people. People in the fall usually like to wear sweaters. I like sweaters. I love being able to comfortably wear a sweater on a breezy, cool day. Other peolpe, too, seem to enjoy the same thing.
The trees. After all the leaves are gone, the trees silhouetted against a darkening sky somehow is breathtaking for me. I like it even more when a harvest moon rises behind a branchy tree.
-The Tastes-
Apple pie. Apple pie is one of the best autumn-time treats. With a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream and a spoon of whipped cream, it is by far one of the top "fall of famers" when it comes to seasonal foods.
Pumpkin pie. One of my personal favorites, when done right. Accompanied by whipped cream, it tastes like home on a plate.
Turkey. Fall just isn't fall without a good ol' Thanksgiving turkey. I like the white meat, maybe you like the dark. There's a piece of the turkey for everyone!
Cranberry sauce. A simple yet flavorful member of the Thanksgiving table. It has a well-balanced amount of tartness and sweetness. Dinner is made complete with a dish of cranberry sauce.
God is amazing. Through every season, He is creative. Spring, summer, and winter all have their uniquities that make them special. Fall, however, seems to be God's favorite season, too. After all, He made it the most beautiful.
-The Smells-
The smell of decaying leaves on the ground. The golden, ruby, emerald, and every-color-in-between leaf carpet has a distinct smell that speaks of fertilizing the ground in a cycle begun by the magnificent Creator.
The smell of woodsmoke in the air. This smell promises the weary traveler warmth and comfort. It is the welcoming smell that warms the heart before warming the body.
The smell of Home. Home never smells as good as it does in the fall. Whether produced by an apple or pumpkin pie in the oven, or a simple candle burning on a livingroom coffee table, Home always smells the best in autumn.
-The Sights-
The leaves. Again, the leaves are the forerunners of fall spirit. No retail store can be entered without seeing decorations, napkins, greeting cards, or any other novelty that has multi-colored leaves on them. However, the true beauty is not in any store. It is found in the rare moments when the setting sun catches a blazing tree and dazzles our eyes, captivating every other sense.
The people. People in the fall usually like to wear sweaters. I like sweaters. I love being able to comfortably wear a sweater on a breezy, cool day. Other peolpe, too, seem to enjoy the same thing.
The trees. After all the leaves are gone, the trees silhouetted against a darkening sky somehow is breathtaking for me. I like it even more when a harvest moon rises behind a branchy tree.
-The Tastes-
Apple pie. Apple pie is one of the best autumn-time treats. With a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream and a spoon of whipped cream, it is by far one of the top "fall of famers" when it comes to seasonal foods.
Pumpkin pie. One of my personal favorites, when done right. Accompanied by whipped cream, it tastes like home on a plate.
Turkey. Fall just isn't fall without a good ol' Thanksgiving turkey. I like the white meat, maybe you like the dark. There's a piece of the turkey for everyone!
Cranberry sauce. A simple yet flavorful member of the Thanksgiving table. It has a well-balanced amount of tartness and sweetness. Dinner is made complete with a dish of cranberry sauce.
God is amazing. Through every season, He is creative. Spring, summer, and winter all have their uniquities that make them special. Fall, however, seems to be God's favorite season, too. After all, He made it the most beautiful.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Random Sayings and Quotes
I found these on a site and liked them so i thought i would share them with you guys.
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
Youth is a malady of which one becomes cured a little every day. He’s turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he’s miserable and depressed.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheapest medicine.
Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life.
An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!'
You can't have everything....where would you put it?
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. - Mark Twain
If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings including this one.
A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
- Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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